


Elves Are The Worst.

by IShipMyFriends



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Durin - Freeform, Dwarves, Fluff, Gen, Grumpiness, Hot Dwarves, Humor, I'm not very dedicated, It's getting hot in here, Reader Insert, TOO MUCH CUTE, The Hobbit - Freeform, Thorin is majestic, cute people, fangirling, kili is a cutie, knights in shining armor, mind-boggling explosions of thought, no smut here, smexy people, sorry about that, there may be swearing, these tags are weird, thorin's beard is great, too many hot people omg, who even reads these tags anyway
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-18
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2018-01-12 22:28:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1202875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IShipMyFriends/pseuds/IShipMyFriends
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Welp, here you go, fangirls! You may read to your heart's delight!-- until you're finished. Some fluffy chapters may be good, some may be bad, but a good time will be had anyways! Now wrap up in a blanket, get a friend and some popcorn and get ready for some major awesomeness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Intro

You ran along, your soft shoes making no noise as they hit the soft ground. You were an Elf. You had long elegant legs and arms and were light on your feet. You had (H/L) (H/C) hair and brilliant (E/C) eyes. You stopped and smelled the air, the scent of pine was all around you in the dense forest. But, there was something different-- Dwarves. You quickly clambered up a nearby tree and waited until said Dwarves were in your sight.

They traveled in a large group. There were 13 of them, along with one tall human-like one and a hobbit. You slowly and quietly climbed down, careful to not be detected. The tail of your coat fluttered out slightly as a soft breeze rolled by. You got to the ground and ducked behind another tree. Then another. Each time, you got closer and closer to the group who were supposedly setting up their camp there for the night. You needed to find out why they were there, where you currently resided, seeing as you were away from your original home. 

Each step you took was carefully planned out and you got closer to the one farthest out. He was a dwarf, and a young one. He had shoulder-length brown hair and no beard. He was on first watch as the others settled down for the night. Just one more step...

You put a hand over his mouth and climbed away as fast as you could, and as you looked back, you found yourself undetected. You had to get rather far away until you let the young dwarf go, tying him to a chair in your home. You stood back and looked at him. He had a tattered coat and pants. He'd worn a bow and arrow and had a few weapons concealed, which you had taken, and he struggled against his bonds.

You patiently waited in the shadows where you couldn't be seen. He hadn't detected you, but you needed to know why they were there. You stepped forward into the light and he stopped moving immediately, looking up at you. Your (H/C) hair was shining in the light and your (E/C) eyes narrowed as you looked him over more. A flash of fear appeared in his eyes. He didn't know who you were or what you wanted, or even why he was there. He also didn't know if his uncle and the rest of the company could help him. 

"Who are you, dwarf, and why are you here?" You spat 'dwarf' in his face with venom as if it was a curse word. You circled him as he spoke.

"I am Kili, son of Dís." He nods slightly, as if he were trying to bow. You smile at the name. You were familiar with his family. He was related to the king, but why was he here?

"What is your business here? And who were the others with you?" You ask him, leaning on the chair slightly. He gulps as he makes eye contact and a sly smirk appears on your face.

"It's the Company of Thorin Oakenshield, my uncle. We're only here to stay for the night, as we are on a quest." He answers, and your smile grows slightly. Thorin Oakenshield, hm? Well. He definitely wouldn't be happy if he found out his nephew had been taken by an Elf.

Speaking of said majestic Dwarf, that happened to be the exact moment that Thorin and Company just decided to barge in and disrupt this little party. You slipped away, but as the Company searched for you, you couldn't help but look at Thorin's face. He was rather attractive, that was for sure. But you couldn't say that. Let alone saying anything at all. You weren't about to blow your cover. Yet.


	2. Safe and Sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things happen and other stuff happens. It's not very descriptive, but just go ahead and read to see!

The Company got their lost member back, that's true. But it affected them more than you. (That rhymed) You had already learnt most of their names and what they were like, and you'd been following them while they were on the road for a few days now. They weren't aware of your presence, but you were waiting for the right time to strike. That time was close by.

The Company had just found another place to rest for a little while. The small one, the Hobbit, had gone to a nearby river to collect some water. You snuck up behind him, readying your small knife-- Suddenly, you got the air knocked out of you and found yourself on the ground, unable to get up. You were being held down by someone as they took away your weapons. You put your head to the side and decided to bare it. 

"Elf." You heard the muffled voice of someone. You turned your head to look up and you saw him, along with Kili and a few others you'd seen before. You sighed in exasperation as you quirked an eyebrow at the leader as he glowered back. You grinned at him as you were picked up forcefully from behind. Your hands had been bound and Thorin watched as you were pushed towards their camp and shoved into a makeshift chair, which was actually a log, and said leader sat in front of you.

"Why are you here?" He asks and you smile at him.

"Why shouldn't I be? This land belongs to me just as much as it does you." Your head lolls to the side and you lean forward slightly.

"You attacked one of the members of my Company. Why?" His face became more and more of one of anger and frustration as you evaded answering him.

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because...Reasons." He growled at your reply and looked as though he was about to hit you when you said, 

"Have you ever considered that I know who you are and I might want to... _Help_?" You spat at him. He looked slightly baffled, but that look was soon replaced with one of anger.

"A thousand years would sooner pass than I would trust the help of an elf like you." you felt a pang of guilt and sadness in your chest and your eyes locked with his.

"Like me?"

"You're just like the rest of them."

"And you're as racist as you could ever be." He heard this and stormed off to go be pouty elsewhere. And you waited. He would see it your way, and you would help him. Someday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup. I hope y'all like it so far! :D


	3. Getting Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welp. Go ahead and read.

It had been a few hours wince you were interrogated. You had been left there, for all you knew. You hadn't eaten all day and you begun to feel your eyelids start to droop.

"Elf." The King adressed you. You didn't move. You didn't want to deal with any of these Dwarves anymore. You just wanted to go home and eat, just screw them. But this was no time for wallowing in your own misery. You still stayed the same.

"I have a name, you know." You say quietly and you look up at him with a wary look.

"I'm uninterested in what your people call you. But now we must move, and you are coming with us." You raised an eyebrow. You weren't surprised by what happened, but you were surprised about how nervous he seemed.

"Why is that?" You ask and a wary look appeared on his face, also.

"After much consideration from nearly everyone else in my company, I reluctantly agreed to let you come." You smile slyly and he narrows his eyes.

"Untie me."

"No." You growled and struggled in your bonds. He cut the ropes securing you to the log and you stood.

"So...You trust me with your company, but not out of bonds that I most definitely could break? so it doesn't make a difference if you untie me or not, it was just a bit of a gentlemanly custom I could've let you have." You shrug. He looks at you, slightly in awe. That look soon disappears and he leads you to the rest of the Company packing up.

Most of the Company welcomed you as they traveled. You had no horse, and you couldn't very well ride a pony, so you were stuck on foot. It really truly wasn't that bad, though. You were walking at a much quicker pace than the ponies, and you were free to go whereyou wanted--As long as the bonds allowed you to. Yes, e hadn't untied you yet. You hadn't broken out, either. You were waiting for the perfect time, or until Thorin finally came to his senses and stopped having such a pouty attitude.

You walked up beside said King and grinned. He looked at you strangely and your smile broadened.

"Tell me your story." You ask and he lets out a chuckle.

"Whatever happened to the Elf I saw yesterday, the one who could've killed our Burglar?" You shrugged.

"Well, I can't go back to yesterday. I was a different person then." He sighs and shakes his head and you repeat,

"Tell me your story." He grumbles.

"Well, where do I start?"

“Begin at the beginning," you said, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop.” A rare smile appears on his face, and he tells you his story; of his father going mad and his grandfather beheaded, the gold sickness and the dragon attack. The last few years himself and most of the people in the Company were doing odd jobs for people, working up the dedication to get revenge. You nodded and listened as the soft sound of the horses' hooves gently lulled your brain to another place of something of sleep as you walked.


	4. The Journey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to get around to this. But, oh well! It's here now, and there shall be much rejoicing!

***Last time***

**“Begin at the beginning," you said, "and go on till you come to the end: then stop.” A rare smile appears on his face, and he tells you his story; of his father going mad and his grandfather beheaded, the gold sickness and the dragon attack. The last few years himself and most of the people in the Company were doing odd jobs for people, working up the dedication to get revenge. You nodded and listened as the soft sound of the horses' hooves gently lulled your brain to another place of something of sleep as you walked.**

You set up camp at a small area with an old, burnt-down home. The whole place made your hair stand a bit on-end. Something wasn't right. The Wizard apparently also felt the same, so he stormed off to somewhere, shouting about the stubbornness of dwarves. You had the urge to join him, but by this time, you'd been bound to the leader, "To ensure she doesn't wander off.", or for some other reason just as ridiculous.

You helped start the fire and a few dwarves went and got started making dinner, the two youngest had gone to man the ponies. You decided to go bother them and drag Thorin around against his will. After all, you could overpower him. And so you did. You stalked over to the brothers and smiled as they did you. Said King was on the ground glowering at you as you talked to them. You weren't sure whether it was for dragging him around or speaking to his nephews in general.

"So, (Y/N), do you think you could teach me some of your brilliant archery skills?" Asked the younger brother, Kili. You smiled warmly. You were always willing to teach an eager student, especially if it would anger a certain dwarf. You nodded and the young dwarf's face lighted up with a spark of excitement. His uncle's face was the exact opposite.

"Only if you show me some of your..." You gestured towards him. "That." He grinned and you mirrored his face.

"Sounds like a good deal." You shook on it, and then noticed the other brother giving you two a look.

"I guess I should just...Give you two a moment." he cleared his throat before either of you could object and walked off. You sighed and smiled. The two of you continued to talk with Thorin listening, trying to pay attention but also seeming like he didn't care. This made you scoff. Eventually, you went back to your things. You set up and makeshift bed and settled down to sleep.

Suddenly, you heard someone sit beside you. You opened your eyes slightly to see Thorin sitting there on his back, looking up at the sky. You wanted to reach out and touch him, but you might get your fingers cut off. Then, you heard Kili and Fili nearby. They were saying to gather your weapons, and that there were trolls nearby. This whole journey was just getting better and better. You picked up a longsword and got ready, but Thorin pushed you back.

"I can't risk the lives of the men of my company for one elf. You have to stay away." With that, he cuts the rope connecting the two of you and he turned on his heel, starting to stalk off.

"Is it because you don't want me risking their lives, or is it because you don't want me risking my life?" you say after him and he sighs.

"Both."


	5. Trolls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They've got worms in 'eir tubes. All of 'em.

***Last time***

**"I can't risk the lives of the men of my company for one elf. You have to stay away." With that, he cuts the rope connecting the two of you and he turned on his heel, starting to stalk off.**

**"Is it because you don't want me risking their lives, or is it because you don't want me risking my life?" you say after him and he sighs.**

**"Both."**

You stood there, gawking, as you watched the King stalk off to help kill the Trolls. You took a moment to regain your composure and pick up your sword, quickly and silently treading on the soft ground. You hid in the bushes and watched them. You had only just got there in time to see the Dwarves enter battle with some gross-looking Trolls. Your eyes widen when you notice that one of them had made a fatal mistake. A troll had grabbed Bilbo, and they were threatening to rip him limb from limb. You waited and watched as the dwarves were bound and put in sacks to be roasted. 

To your luck, Thorin had been put on the ground around where you were. You quickly took your chance and grabbed him by the shoulders, pulling him into the underbrush. You cut the sack open so he could move and you put your finer to your lips. The Trolls had noticed his absence, but not that you'd grabbed him.

Suddenly, he held you against himself and covered your mouth just as one of the Trolls made a wild swing towards the bush. You leaned your head against him and he sighed. The Trolls seemed to be in a heated discussion, and you got an idea. You pulled yourself from his grasp and darted out, into view.

"Hey, you! Yeah, you! Ugly Trolls!" You did a little dance to get their attention and one of them started to laugh. One of the others did something you didn't expect - he picked you up and dangled you from your feet. The dwarves went silent and you heard small gasps. You dropped your sword and all the Trolls started to laugh. There were loud exclaims of,

"This one's weird lookin'"

"I've never had fresh Elf before", and

"Can we eat this one too?"

The last made you grumble and you sent a powerful glare their way.

"Do you not know what happens when you try to eat a woman?" You shout at them, your anger quickly growing. These incompetent, ugly, smelly, gross, annoying Trolls were at an advantage- But not for long. The one who held you put you down and you brushed yourself off. You began to pace in front of them.

"What 'appens, then?" You stop and look at them. You put your hands on your hips and you make eye contact with Fili.

"Something bad. You ought not find out." You say simply and he nods vigorously, some of the others joining in. One of the dwarves known as Bofur started to shout about the curses women could put on you and you smiled. They all got really into it, some of them mentioning their infections caused by curses of women, and how they had worms in their tubes. All of a sudden, the voice of The Wizard was heard. 

"The dawn will take you all" He shouted and he cracked a rock in half, showering the creatures with light and turned them to stone. You sighed and walked up to him.

"Where did you go, if I may ask?" You asked him in a hushed tone.

" To look ahead" He replied.

"And what brought you back?"

"Looking behind."

**Author's Note:**

> Well...Yeah. That happened. I hope y'all liked this. *shrug* I guess I'll get started on the next chapter soon.


End file.
